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ACT II - How women view men-the act of approaching
Apollo pursues Daphne who escapes from him by turning into a tree - Galleria Broghese, Rome
by Joseph Earnest April 18, 2012
Newscast Media NEW YORK—The study showed that a fancy car (Porsche or Lotus) enhanced a man's desirability to women for a potential short-term relationship, however, information that a man owned a fancy car did not enhance his desirability to women as a potential marriage partner. In other words, what this study shows is that a woman would rather be married to a man driving an old station wagon who is stable and with whom she has a strong emotional, mental and spiritual connection, than a man who drives a fancy car simply to gain her attention.
This therefore presents a tricky situation for men. We have seen in ACT I that women do not want to be objectified, yet women themselves wake up early in the morning before anyone else, and spend about half an hour making themselves look beautiful. They sure aren't doing it for other women. So what confuses men is that if women want to be viewed for their inconspicuous value, why do they go through all the trouble of spending thousands of dollars on hair, fingernails, skin products and so forth, to look beautiful?
It presents an oxymoronic situation. On one hand women do not want to be judged by the way they look. On the other hand, they nullify that argument, by spending a lot of effort and money to enhance their beauty. This is the scenario that becomes tricky for most men. Even the most basic aspects of courtship that have nothing to do with looks can sometimes be misconstrued by women who are regimented. For example, when our parents were growing up in the 50s and 60s, men used to open doors and pull out chairs for women.
Today, men are confused about acts of chivalry, because opening a door or pulling out a chair for a woman in America, might be viewed as patronizing or sexist. When our parents were growing up, it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and women in that age bracket still consider it gracious for a man to open doors or pull out chairs for them.
Because the approach has become tricky, I believe the study makes a point in demonstrating that men who exhibit conspicuous consumption, do it to gauge how likely a particular woman or women will react, and if the woman (or women) gives a green light, the man will make an approach. On the other hand, men who aren't as showy tend to be free-flowing naturals who understand women, and have internalized the approach, such that whether or not such a man is driving a fancy car or wearing flashy clothes or jewelry he is able to attract women.
This in turn translates to being viewed as confident by women, and as they begin to feel comfortable with such a man, the material aspects of the relationship become secondary while the intangible attributes like loyalty, character, personality, being passionate about one's calling and stability, become primary factors that hold the relationship together. In regard to the research study, I have posted a link at the very end of this series in ACT III, so you can download or read it.
I would not be doing justice to my readers if I did not tackle how physical appearance comes into play in social dynamics. The study focuses on the conspicuous (visible attributes), yet I would like to stress that it is possible for a woman to be beautiful, yet a man may not find her attractive. The reason is because, a man does not enter a relationship or marry a woman because of the way she looks. Rather, a man enters a relationship or marries a woman because of the way she makes him feel.
The other side of the coin is, a woman might be considered average-looking, but if she makes a man feel worthwhile, in his eyes, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. It is not unusual to hear that a very wealthy man married a simple waitress. Here is one story of Norway's Crown Prince, who married a waitress.(pop-up) There are many such stories including the story of Prince Saeed bin Maktoum al Maktoum who married a waitress from Belarus. The point is, such women have certain intangible traits, the manifestation of which caught the attention of these distinguished gentlemen.
For this reason I will now have to define the pleasant, the beautiful, and the good. To do this, permit me to turn to Prussian-born behavioral scientist Immanuel Kant. In describing all three attributes, Kant said: "That which gratifies a person is called pleasant; that which merely pleases one, is called beautiful; that which is esteemed or approved by one is called good." (Critique of Judgment, Part 5, page 285).
As you can see, beauty goes beyond the senses or the visible realm, that's why this journalist describes authentic beauty as: "The evidence of that which is in synchronization with Divine accordance." Yet advertising and the celebrity world have projected upon society a false sense of what authentic beauty is, and have limited it to the visual realm. ACT III- How we view beauty the invisible realm>>
Related articles:
ACT I - Women view flashy men as short-term mate seekers
ACT III- How women view men-the evidence of beauty in invisible realm
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