Posts Tagged ‘what men want’

ACT II – How women view men-the act of approaching

Apollo pursues Daphne who escapes from him by turning into a tree - Galleria Broghese, Rome

Newscast Media NEW YORK—The study showed that a fancy car (Porsche or Lotus) enhanced a man’s desirability to women for a potential short-term relationship, however, information that a man owned a fancy car did not enhance his desirability to women as a potential marriage partner. In other words, what this study shows is that a woman would rather be married to a man driving an old station wagon who is stable and with whom she has a strong emotional, mental and spiritual connection, than a man who drives a fancy car simply to gain her attention.

This therefore presents a tricky situation for men. We have seen in ACT I that women do not want to be objectified, yet women themselves wake up early in the morning before anyone else, and spend about half an hour making themselves look beautiful. They sure aren’t doing it for other women. So what confuses men is that if women want to be viewed for their inconspicuous value, why do they go through all the trouble of spending thousands of dollars on hair, fingernails, skin products and so forth, to look beautiful?

It presents an oxymoronic situation. On one hand women do not want to be judged by the way they look. On the other hand, they nullify that argument, by spending a lot of effort and money to enhance their beauty. This is the scenario that becomes tricky for most men. Even the most basic aspects of courtship that have nothing to do with looks can sometimes be misconstrued by women who are regimented. For example, when our parents were growing up in the 50s and 60s, men used to open doors and pull out chairs for women.

Today, men are confused about acts of chivalry, because opening a door or pulling out a chair for a woman in America, might be viewed as patronizing or sexist. When our parents were growing up, it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and women in that age bracket still consider it gracious for a man to open doors or pull out chairs for them.

Because the approach has become tricky, I believe the study makes a point in demonstrating that men who exhibit conspicuous consumption, do it to gauge how likely a particular woman or women will react, and if the woman (or women) gives a green light, the man will make an approach. On the other hand, men who aren’t as showy tend to be free-flowing naturals who understand women, and have internalized the approach, such that whether or not such a man is driving a fancy car or wearing flashy clothes or jewelry he is able to attract women.

This in turn translates to being viewed as confident by women, and as they begin to feel comfortable with such a man, the material aspects of the relationship become secondary while the intangible attributes like loyalty, character, personality, being passionate about one’s calling and stability, become primary factors that hold the relationship together. In regard to the research study, I have posted a link at the very end of this series in ACT III, so you can download or read it.

I would not be doing justice to my readers if I did not tackle how physical appearance comes into play in social dynamics. The study focuses on the conspicuous (visible attributes), yet I would like to stress that it is possible for a woman to be beautiful, yet a man may not find her attractive. The reason is because, a man does not enter a relationship or marry a woman because of the way she looks. Rather, a man enters a relationship or marries a woman because of the way she makes him feel.

The other side of the coin is, a woman might be considered average-looking, but if she makes a man feel worthwhile, in his eyes, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. It is not unusual to hear that a very wealthy man married a simple waitress. Here is one story of Norway’s Crown Prince, who married a waitress.

There are many such stories including the story of Prince Saeed bin Maktoum al Maktoum who married a waitress from Belarus. The point is, such women have certain intangible traits, the manifestation of which caught the attention of these distinguished gentlemen.

For this reason I will now have to define the pleasant, the beautiful, and the good. To do this, permit me to turn to Prussian-born behavioral scientist Immanuel Kant. In describing all three attributes, Kant said: “That which gratifies a person is called pleasant; that which merely pleases one, is called beautiful; that which is esteemed or approved by one is called good.” (Critique of Judgment, Part 5, page 285).

As you can see, beauty goes beyond the senses or the visible realm, that’s why this journalist describes authentic beauty as: “The evidence of that which is in synchronization with Divine accordance.” Yet advertising and the celebrity world have projected upon society a false sense of what authentic beauty is, and have limited it to the visual realm. ACT III- How we view beauty the invisible realm>>

          

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - April 19, 2012 at 4:16 am

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ACT I – Study shows women view flashy men as short-term mate seekers

The prairie chicken attempting to attract a female

Newscast Media NEW YORK—A study done by Houston’s very own Rice university shows that men who demonstrate conspicuous(visible) consumption do so as a mating strategy, and this strategy is triggered specifically by short-term (vs. long-term) mating motives.

Another term for conspicuous consumption is referred to as “peacocking”, which is the process by which a man attempts to attract a woman’s attention by wearing a flashy bright-colored piece of clothing, or driving a fancy car that stands out like a Porsche or Lamborghini. Overall, these findings suggest that flaunting flashy materialistic goods to potential mates is not simply about displaying economic resources. Instead, conspicuous consumption appears to be part of a more precise signaling system focused on short-term mating.

Looking at conspicuous consumption from an evolutionary angle, the behavior mirrors that which is displayed in the animal kingdom. Male peacocks are known for the display of their beautiful tail feathers, the purpose of which is to exhibit value toward the female peacock.

In the animal kingdom, the lions with the larger manes tend to attract more lionesses. The lionesses view the size of the mane as a sign of potency and strength because the large mane protects the lion from lethal neck wounds during a fight. If a lion is more likely to survive in a fight, then there is a high likelihood that it is a potent male and is able to continue the bloodline. In the animal kingdom, it is therefore the males that tend to have more feathers or fur than the females, because the more the feathers or fur, the more spectacular the display will be during the mating dance.

The study suggests that males that display conspicuous consumption may be chosen by females for the short-term, while those that do not display conspicuous consumption are likely to be chosen for the long-term. This is because men who are viewed as long-term material have already developed the necessary traits to attract females and do not need to resort to peacocking to get a woman’s attention.

Yet despite such behavioral displays on the male side, women too, are very conscious about the way they look and how they are perceived based on external factors. A week ago Ashley Judd, the actress, wrote a column in which she said she was upset about being criticized for having let her face become puffy.

In her article on the Daily Beast that went viral, Judd said, “I choose to address it because the conversation was pointedly nasty, gendered, and misogynistic and embodies what all girls and women in our culture, to a greater or lesser degree, endure every day, in ways both outrageous and subtle. The assault on our body image, the hypersexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification is what this conversation allegedly about my face is really about.”

The most poignant statement she made in the article was that people are now saying: “Ashley has lost her familiar beauty audiences loved her for.” You may read the entire article here.

However, women can be the most cruel and critical toward each other in regard to physical appearance. A week before Ashley Judd lamented about being valued only for the physical aspect of who she truly is, Joy Behar called the very pregnant Jessica Simpson “fat” on the ABC show The View on Tuesday April 3.

About Simpson, the co-host said: “Remember the time that Jessica Simpson was criticized because she didn’t know the difference between chicken and tuna? That kind of thing is more fun to criticize than the fact that the girl is fat.”

Sarah Palin’s reaction to Joy Behar’s criticism was swift: “I would have wanted to punch [Jessica's critics] in the neck. It’s none of anybody else’s business how much weight I would gain,” said the former Alaska governor on the TODAY show. The interchange was carried by US Weekly in this article.

There is a common thread throughout the dialogue, and it appears that much more than anything else, these women want is to be treated with respect for their inconspicuous value. While that is the way every human should be treated regardless of gender, women have confused men in regard to how they should be approached. ACT II – Find out how men approach women>>

          

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - at 4:03 am

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PART III-Why alpha males and alpha females tend to lock horns

The alpha female

Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas –Just as women screen or pre-qualify every man they meet, it is important for men to screen women too, because one bad relationship can ruin your entire life. It would be counter-productive to get involved with a woman who has just exited a long term relationship, because it takes years before such a woman receives closure, especially if she was betrayed.

Attempting to mend a broken heart

Because men naturally are prone to fixing things when the are broken, there are certain men who always seem to gravitate toward women who are emotionally wounded. Unlike a physical wound that heals when left alone, an emotional wound is different. The more it is ignored, the worse it becomes. Even psychotherapists and psychiatrists resort to prescribing medications that simply treat the symptoms instead of addressing the causes.

When a woman has been betrayed, it is almost impossible for the trust to be restored. Even after she meets a new guy, she will always harbor a certain level of distrust and suspicion based on her past experiences, that’s why it is important to enter a relationship with a woman who is whole or one who has received closure from a past relationship. Never try to mend a broken heart, because frankly, some broken hearts can never mend.

If a man insists on entering a relationship with a woman who still hasn’t yet received closure from a past betrayal, such a man will have to walk on egg-shells most of the time because the woman might misconstrue his actions or inactions or jump to unsubstantiated conclusions. Behavioral scientists David, Stanley and Derald Weng refer to this as arbitrary inference, in their book Understanding Abnormal Behavior. Arbitrary inference is where a person draws erroneous conclusions based on available evidence. They are apparently unwilling or unable to see other more probable explanations. Eventually this will start to take a toll on the relationship and both parties will become emotionally drained.

The alpha and beta females

Throughout my investigative research, I came across five groups of individuals: The alpha male, beta male, the nomad, the alpha female and beta female. An alpha male is a manly man who has confidence in self and won’t hesitate to take the lead. Beta males tend to be spoilers and often play the role of a Judas. They also tend to exhibit signs of being needy and clingy because their social skills are underdeveloped. Beta males are also saboteurs who use every opportunity they get, to sabotage others whether it is in the business world or in relationships. A nomad is a male who once was alpha but lost his glory. When a man allows his identity to be defined by the things he owns or the company he works for or his job title, and loses it all, such a man, more often than not, will also lose his self-worth and become a nomad. Unlike beta males who pretend to be friendly in your presence yet stab you in the back in your absence, nomads are driven by jealousy and display it openly.

Some men, despite exuding an aura of confidence, can’t stand to see another man succeed in life. If they’ve worked hard for decades to get to where they are, and someone else comes along who is a fast learner and is accomplishing honors or attention at a much faster rate, a nomad will perceive such a man as a threat. They never want to give credit where credit is due because it wounds their egos to acknowledge someone else’s efforts. They start out as alpha males, but as their self-worth erodes gradually, so do the alpha traits they once possessed. Nomads and beta males have weak creative imagination and lack originality in what they do. As such, they both lack authenticity, but can instantly spot an authentic alpha male even without the alpha saying a word. There is nothing as intimidating to a nomad or beta as being in the presence of an alpha male.

Men would rather be respected than be loved

Alpha females are ambitious and high achievers, whose relationships tend to revolve around their careers. Something that is remarkable about alpha females is that they are naturally drawn to alpha males because they want a man who takes charge, exudes confidence and is just as accomplished as they are. However, something interesting happens when they start to forge relationships with alpha males. As I mentioned earlier, since alpha females tend to have a hard time separating their leadership role at the workplace from their role in a romantic relationship with an alpha male, they tend to experience a mental tug-of-war, because they feel that by being submissive, they are stripping themselves of their femininity. In the end, both alphas lock horns and one ends up walking away from the relationship.

It is not unusual for an alpha female to build a long-lasting relationship with a beta male. The reason is because beta males are more than willing to comply. Some (not all) alpha females may try to rationalize their inability to hold on to quality men by saying that men are threatened by strong, successful and independent women. That is actually not true, here’s why. According Dr. Kevin Lehman, a family psychologist, “A man would rather be respected than be loved, because when a man is respected, he feels loved.”

As for beta females, they tend to be nurturing and aren’t afraid to display their emotional side. Alpha males are drawn to them naturally because men are genetically programmed to be rescuers. Beta females tend to reciprocate more because they are not on some power trip. It is possible, however, to turn even the most militant alpha female into a submissive beta, however, that topic is beyond the scope of this article.

In the June 2005 edition of GQ magazine, they featured an interview with five American soldiers from the Pennsylvania National Guard, who guarded the former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein for almost 300 days. These soldiers told GQ that during that time, they were able to have some interesting conversations with Saddam. One of the topics that came up was about women. Saddam Hussein’s advice to these five young soldiers about women was, “You gotta find a good woman. Not too old, not too young. Not too smart, not too stupid. In the middle.” The old man had figured it out.

Related articles:

PART I – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns

PART II – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns

          

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - June 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

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Part II – Alpha males and alpha females tend to lock horns

The alpha male

Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas — There are some experts who advise men to emphasize on generating attraction within a woman; however, attraction alone from a woman does not sustain a relationship. In order for a woman to want to keep a man, she has to find him desirable. Attraction is like a wildfire that eventually burns out. Desire is much stronger. It is like a warm, steady glow that is self-sustaining.

It is possible to be attracted to someone you don’t find desirable. You see it everyday with drop dead gorgeous women on the arms of a man who could win an ugly contest. Why, you may ask, does this phenomenon happen. My research and investigation reveals that women might be attracted to men’s accomplishments, status, humor, or influence in their community, but that doesn’t mean that they find these men desirable.

It is easier to love than to like someone

It is also possible to love someone you don’t like. Some women will even go as far as marrying men they aren’t attracted to. These men might be good providers, but because sometimes women would rather have security in a relationship, they go against their natural instincts of courting a man they are truly attracted to. Think about your previous break-ups and ask yourself why they ended on such a sour note. It is because you fell in love with someone, but never really developed a liking for that person. It is easier to love someone than it is to like that person. There are even some parents who love their kids, but don’t really like them. These parents love the kids enough to support and provide for them, and will even protect them from danger. However, they never make themselves accessible to these kids or spend quality time with them.

To like someone takes a little more work. Loving is easy because you can love someone from a distance. You all know some people you love from a distance. You really don’t miss them, but you would reach out to them if they asked for help and you were in a position to extend a helping hand. Liking someone means you are fond of that person. Just being around the person gives you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. When you desire someone, you not only like that person, but you also yearn to be with the same. It is a longing. It involves the force of physical appetite or emotional need. When a woman desires you, she is literally “sold-out” to you.

Windows to the soul

According to Robert Sternberg, a behavioral scientist, the romantic love that we desire is made up of three key elements which are: The emotional element, which involves self-disclosure and leads to connection, warmth and trust. The motivational element, based on inner drives which translate to physiological arousal. The third element is the cognitive element, which is the decision to love and stay in love with the beloved. The relationships you had that fell apart did so because, while your mate may have been attracted to you (motivational element) the cognitive and emotional elements were missing. All three elements must be present for a relationship to be well-balanced.

Everything you’ll ever need to know about a woman lies within her eyes and the tone of her voice. Because women who are clinically sane enjoy being romanced mentally, it is important to take your time and never rush a relationship, upon meeting a quality woman. I also advise men to get the phone number, and not bother asking for the e-mail address because one should not let the relationship be regulated by the electronic media, it is best to develop the initial stages of the relationship by meeting in person.

You also eliminate the possibility of her using e-mail as a means to flake on you or dilute the communication process. I also advise against text messaging because it removes the element of mystery and makes you readily available, which is something men should avoid at least for the first three months into the relationship because it is might be misconstrued as being needy. Once the relationship has solidified, then e-mail and text messages are fine if used sparingly.

Externalize your inner game

Some men are gifted at spitting a good game, but always fall short, and lose the woman because they lack confidence, which is a very important ingredient in conveying inner game. Dave Roper retold a story about African slaves who were brought to America and were being auctioned off to slave masters. As the bidding was happening, one of the slave masters turned to the auctioneer and inquired about a particular slave who seemed unperturbed while all the other slaves were disoriented because they were being auctioned off. The slave carried himself with such confidence and poise. The slave master said to the auctioneer, “That slave over there, I notice there is something different about him.” To which the auctioneer replied, “Back in Africa, he was a Prince, and he hasn’t forgotten it.”

All that glitters…

There are men who have asked me if it is recommended to either keep the phone number of an ex-girlfriend in one’s phonebook, or if one should delete it. The answer is yes and no. If you were the one who broke up with her, keep the phone number that way if she calls, you will have the discretion to answer the phone or not. If she’s the one who broke up with you, delete the phone number or flush it down the toilet that way you’ll receive closure faster, because you’ll have no means of contacting her.

Never memorize a woman’s number because if things don’t work out, it will take you almost two years to erase the number from your mind. Only memorize your relatives’ numbers and the women you aren’t attracted to. The irony is that when a beautiful woman is seen with an ugly man, she’s a gold digger, yet when a good-looking guy is seen with an unattractive woman, it’s called true love.
Continue to PART III – Alpha males and females >>

Related articles:

PART III – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns
PART I – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns

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2 comments - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - at 10:45 am

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PART I -Why alpha males and alpha females tend to lock horns

All things alpha

Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas — For the past several weeks, several visitors to this site have requested commentary on the indiscretions that have happened in the political arena. Newscast Media doesn’t do celebrity gossip. However, in response to some of the emails I have received asking me to write an article about why spouses in prominent positions in society tend to stray, I will explain the relationship dynamics using research I personally conducted years back while I was a Psych major.

The alpha male

The three prominent names that have kept coming up in the past few months are Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzeneggar and recently, Anthony Weiner, the politician from New York. Weiner resigned last week after he admitted to having online liaisons with six women while married — sending them photos of his crotch and exchanging steamy messages using social networking sites.

All men exhibit alpha male traits and have dominated their chosen careers. Tiger and Arnold are self-explanatory considering the accolades and success they have experienced in sports and acting respectively. As for Anthony Weiner, he too is known for exhibiting traits, whereby he out-alphas politicians and dominates them. Below is a video clip of Rep. Anthony Weiner in his alpha male mode.


Rep. Anthony Weiner out-alphas his opponents in the House of Representatives

In relationships, it is not important to marry a good person, it is more important to marry the right person. A good person may not be the right person to get married to. So many times, the right person may be rough around the edges, and may not be obvious. Most people in courtships pre-qualify their mates. In other words, if that person meets a list of certain criteria, we assume the person may be suitable, while if someone lacks what we seek in a mate, we may be tempted to dismiss that person, even though that person might be the right person for us.

Make her chase you

While beta males tend to be submissive or yes-men towards women in anticipation of reward, alphas tend to be assertive in the relationship. In the many interviews I conducted, as to why some women will reject some men and pursue others, the common theme these women said was that they had little respect for men who allowed women to walk all over them. Women want a man who can decipher their behavioral patterns –men who have internalized the art of courtship and have clear vision of what they want from the relationship.

Almost all the women I spoke to said they did not want a man they would have to lead, they wanted the man to take the lead, because a man who took the lead was viewed as one with confidence. These traits are exhibited by alpha males. Another characteristic of alpha males as opposed to betas is that alphas never hit on women. They simply sit back and wait for the woman to send “buying signals” or give the green light. By the time they make the approach, the woman is already sold out on the man.

All things alpha

The biggest mistake alpha males make is to court or marry an alpha female. Both will eventually end up locking horns since there is a power struggle over control. Most female executives or politicians in high ranking positions are used to taking the lead and managing large teams of people. This creates a dilemma where most of these alpha females fail to separate the leading role they have at work, from their role in a relationship with an alpha male.

Out of frustration, alpha males tend to gravitate toward beta females who are usually less aggressive and more subdued. Beta females tend to be less confrontational than alpha females. When an alpha male experiences the more relaxed atmosphere around a beta female, a lot of things can happen. My studies concluded that beta females make the best partners for alpha males, and there is less tension in such relationships.

I have also said to men (alpha or beta), “Never pursue a relationship with a woman who despises the kind of work you do.”

If a woman doesn’t think your line of work is honorable, she will begin to look down on you and to some extent convince herself that she is doing you a favor by dating you. Unfortunately some women fall in love with the kind of work a man does, as opposed to whom he truly is as a human being. Some men reading this might be in pursuit of a certain kind of woman and are wondering why she stopped returning the phone calls. The reason is because she has defined you based on the type of work you do.

The way a woman talks to and treats an investment banker is totally different from the way she treats a janitor. Both are honorable professions, but if she perceives your job to be inferior, she will begin to believe you are inferior to her too, because she can’t brag about you to her friends, co-workers or family. I believe that’s why men make up fancy job titles when women ask them what they do.

A woman instinctively views the measure of a man based on his potential as a provider. The more prestigious his job is, the better a provider he appears in her eyes. A man’s earning potential is directly proportional to how seriously a woman will regard him as a potential mate.

According to Tom Mortensen, as senior scholar at The Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education, women outnumber men as college graduates. The U.S Census Bureau also shows that the number of females enrolling in college increased by 20 percent between 1967 and 2000.

Because women in America graduate in far greater numbers than men, there are several well-educated women who out-earn their male counterparts. However, a woman who truly values her mate will never belittle him or despise him simply because she is more educated or has greater earning potential than he does. Continue to PART II – Alpha males and females>>

Related Stories:

PART II – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns

PART III – Alpha males and females tend to lock horns

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3 comments - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - at 10:17 am

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The benefits of speaking well of your spouse or loved one

Michael Hyatt

by Michael Hyatt

Newscast Media NASHVILLE, Tennessee –As a leader, the health of your marriage directly affects the impact of your leadership. I have witnessed this time and time again. Being effective at work or in ministry begins by being effective at home.

Early in our marriage, Gail and I attended a church led by a dynamic, thirty-something pastor. He was an extraordinary communicator. He was a wise and empathetic counselor. As a result, the church grew rapidly.
But as we got better acquainted with him and his wife, we started noticing a disturbing trend in the way they related to one another. They would often make disparaging remarks about the other in public. At first, it seemed cute. Their comments seemed playful and humorous. Everyone laughed. But over time, they became more and more pointed, thinly masking their frustration with one another.

We ultimately left that church. But several years later we learned they suffered an ugly divorce, both admitting to multiple affairs. They lost their family, and, of course, their ministry. To this day, it grieves me to think about it. Conversely, I noticed that Sam Moore, my predecessor at Thomas Nelson, always spoke highly of his wife. He would often say, “I hate to leave her in the morning, and I can’t wait to see her in the evening.” They have been married now for nearly 60 years. Last time Gail and I were with them, they were holding hands. It was obvious they were still in love.

In reflecting on these two experiences, I am convinced that praising your spouse in public is one of the most important investments you can make-in your family and in your leadership.

This is important for at least five reasons:

1. You get more of what you affirm. Have you ever noticed that when someone praises you, you want to repeat the behavior that caused it? This is just human nature. It can be a form of manipulation if it isn’t genuine. But it can be a powerful way to motivate others when it is authentic.

2. Affirmation shifts your attitude toward your spouse. Words are powerful tools. They can create, or they can destroy. They can build up, or they can tear down. I believe most people have a drive to align their actions-and their attitudes-with their words. If you start speaking well of someone, you start believing what you say.

3. Affirmation helps strengthen your spouse’s best qualities. Encouragement is also a powerful force for good. All of us need positive reinforcement. This is why when we are losing weight and people notice, it gives us the strength to stick with the program. This is true in every area of life.

4. Affirmation wards off the temptation of adultery. When others see you are happily married, they are less likely to proposition you. It’s like a hedge that protects your marriage from would-be predators. You simply stop being a target.

5. Affirmation provides a model to those you lead. To be a truly effective leader, you must lead yourself, and then you must lead your family. Your marriage is a powerful visual of how you treat the people you value the most. When you speak highly of your spouse, your followers are more likely to trust you. It takes your leadership to another level.

Affirming your spouse in public is an investment that pays big leadership dividends. In a world where fewer and fewer marriages last, it can be a difference-maker.

Michael Hyatt is Chairman and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers.

http://www.newscastmedia.com/spouses.html

          

1 comment - What do you think?  Posted by Joseph Earnest - April 2, 2011 at 1:47 am

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