Part IV – Social evolution and its role in shaping our lives

David

Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas — In this final article of my Social Evolution series, I would like to mention a little bit about the importance of surrounding ourselves with genuine friendships. We need these people because they look over our shoulder when no one else is. While some people accept us and feel a bond with us because of a weakness we may have in common, a genuine friend will help remove that weakness or infirmity that plagues us.

Everybody has three types of selves: The real self; the ideal self; and the possible self. The real self is the self one actually is. The ideal self is the self one would like to be. The possible self is the image of what we dream of becoming or dread in the future. King Solomon, the wisest man who has ever lived said, “If you are weak in a crisis, you are weak indeed.”

Often times when someone passes away, multitudes come from nowhere, great and small, claiming the friendship of such a person. Where were these people when they were needed most? There seems to be a diffusion of responsibility when people are unwilling to reach out to others going through crises. People don’t feel like they are responsible for reaching out. Such friendships have no foundation and tend to be superficial. In reality the most enjoyable friendships have no strings attached to them. People love you not for what you do or how they can benefit from you — they love you genuinely for who you are.

It never ceases to amaze me when I see how the media pretends to care about human beings, yet it is nothing but a machine. The spotlight effect is the belief that others are paying more attention to one’s appearance and behavior than they really are. The result of which is that people become attuned to the way they present themselves in social situations and adjust their performances to create the desired impression. Instead of evolving socially and making a difference in other people’s lives, we become pretentious fakes incapable of relating to others who live in a different reality than we do. We become image-conscious, which in turn erodes our authenticity as humans and also strips us of our sense of innocence.

When soldiers return from battle zones, they are rarely acknowledged for protecting the freedoms we enjoy. More often than not they find it hard to adjust to their new reality and struggle to integrate into the job market. The media only mentions soldiers during Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas. I’m yet to see a media practitioner walk up to a soldier at an airport and shake his or her hand out of gratefulness for serving this country.

When we greet people and ask how they are doing, we hope they don’t tell us how they are really doing, because we might be inconvenienced by listening to their sad stories. We offer help but it is not out of sincerity and we thereafter resent those who seek our assistance. We tell people how we wish them success, yet when we see them achieving successes we burn with envy and secretly hope for, or even orchestrate their downfall. We falsely believe that success is measured by how many material things we acquire, yet true success is measured by where we are right now in our lives, as compared to where we could be.

People have been lied to that success is comparing our achievements and possessions with others. Whoever has the most is more successful, we are told. We now have a civilization in which everybody competes with each other, instead of creating new opportunities for each other.

In Leonardo da Vinci’s notebooks he tells this story about three trees: “The laurel and the myrtle, on seeing the pear-tree being cut down, cried out with a loud voice: —’O pear-tree, where are you going? Where is the pride that you had when you were laden with ripe fruit? Now you will no longer make shade for us with your thick foliage.’ Then the pear-tree replied:—’I am going with the husbandman who is cutting me down and who will take me to the workshop of a good sculptor, who by his art will cause me to assume the form of the
god Jove, and I shall be dedicated in a temple and worshipped by men in the place of Jove. While you are obliged to remain always maimed and stripped of your branches, which men shall set around me in order to do me honor.’” (The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci, page 1,061).

Today, someone reading this might be going through a crisis with no one to turn to. People you thought you could count on have deserted you. Others who are able to reach out to you today, tell you to wait until tomorrow, even though your need may be urgent. Another group might even be mocking you, saying it is your fault that you find yourself in whatever predicament you are. King Solomon said, “Everybody claims how loyal and faithful they are, but just try to find someone who really is.” In prospect, (looking forward) your crisis may not make sense; but in retrospect, (looking back) it will all make sense, just like it did to the pear-tree in the story above.

Rudyard Kipling the famous poet who wrote the poem If wrote these verses that are part of the poem: “…If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings nor lose the common touch; if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you…yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it…and, what’s more—you’ll be a Man, my son!”

Related stories:
PART I – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives
PART II – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives
PART III – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives