Part III – Social evolution and its role in shaping our lives

Washington DC

Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas — In the West, especially, we live in an individualistic culture, meaning, we give priority to our own goals over group goals, and define our identities in terms of personal attributes rather than group identifications. In places like Asia, the culture is based on collectivism whereby priority is given to the goals on one’s group or extended family.

In America, Conservatives tend to be economic individualists and moral collectivists. Liberals on the other hand, tend to be economic collectivists and moral individualists. The evidence can be seen between the Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street movements. In 2008 when Obama bumped into Joe the Plumber and talked about “spreading the wealth around,” conservatives were outraged. When Conservatives talk about returning prayer into schools or banning gay marriage, Liberals become enraged.

All this is part of social influence that entails everything in our past and present that affects us — conscious and unconscious, for example culture, pressures to conform and various groups of people. The central themes in social psychology include how we construe our social worlds and how our social intuitions guide and sometimes deceive us. People tend to gravitate toward others with like minds, because they enable each other to make sense of their worlds or realities. With all the political correctness that has permeated society, it’s no wonder our civilization has the tendency to underestimate the value of cultivating true and meaningful relationships out of genuine and pure intentions.

People find it a lot more convenient to develop virtual friendships and relationships because they can easily be ended them with a click of a button. In real life, everybody knows someone who ended a friendship or even a marriage using a text message, without having to face the other party in person.

Forbes has an article called Can We Reinvigorate The Lost Spirit of Community? The author writes: “Even in close proximity, people simply don’t speak to each other, any more than passengers sitting together on an airplane have spirited conversations: the lack of explicitly shared values inhibits any tendency to share.” A prior paragraph reads: “Today, people go to restaurants to hang out with their friends, not to strike up conversations with the nearby table. Leaning over to say hello to a stranger indeed runs the danger of being thought predatory or insane.” The entire Forbes article can be read here.

It is one thing to be able to make friends, it is another to able to keep those friends. By the time the average person reaches the age of 30, he or she can count his or her true friends on one hand. Friendliness is not an acquired attribute. Some people are naturally friendly, while others are indifferent. In a famous trial that happened in Los Angeles in the 90s it was suggested by some legal advisors that one of the lead female prosecutors be sent to “charm school” to appear more friendly to the jurors.

I mentioned in PART II that older people in their late 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond cherish younger friends, because some of my most fruitful and solid friendships are in that age bracket. I found out that in order to be a true friend, friendship has to be demonstrated to a person, and it is usually older people who have been tested by life, who have the ability to make such a demonstration. I also noticed two remarkable desires of people living in poverty. Just like older people, those living in poverty simply want a friend, and secondly they desire an education.

Since I received a thorough training in Classical Antiquity as a youth, I cannot help but turn to Cicero’s book On The Good Life, in which he shares with us the view of Scipio Africanus in relation to friendships. Scipio maintained that it was the most difficult thing in the world for a friendship to last into old age. Either it ceases to be mutually advantageous, or people’s political views change and affect their relations with one another. Another thing that changes, he added, is a person’s character; it gets altered by the blows of misfortune or the increasing burdens of age.

Scipio illustrated this point by comparing what happens to people in the early years of their lives. When boys discard the dress of childhood, they also often throw off their friendships, however strong these may have been before. Or else, even if they manage to maintain these associations into early manhood, they often frequently break them off at that point, because the two youths often find themselves competing for a wife, or some other acquisition, which can only go to one or the other partner, but cannot go to both at the same time. Even if their friendship does succeed in lasting longer, Scipio noted that it is likely to be ruined as soon as rivalry for public office begins.

Among the majority of the population, friendship’s worst destroyer is greed for money. For men at the top of their professions, the deadliest enmity is caused by competitive ambition for jobs and distinctions. Such, said Scipio, are the various fates which hang over the relations between friends. To avoid everyone of them requires the greatest wisdom and a good deal of luck as well.

Scipio’s greatest gripe about friendships was in the example he gave. Everybody has an idea of how many sheep and goats he owns, but nobody can say how many friends he possesses. More disturbing is that an immense amount of care is devoted in acquiring cattle and wealth, yet none of the care and devotion is put into choosing friends, Scipio believed. The friends we choose ought to be sound, stable and reliable, but such people are distinctively scarce, yet it is difficult to pick them except by practical experience. The problem is that this experience can only be acquired after the friendship has actually begun. That is to say, the friendship comes first and the material for estimating its desirability only becomes accessible later on. It is impossible to try one’s friend out in advance.

People involved in politics or the business of the State can attest to the this truth that true friendships are extremely difficult to find in the political arena. There is a saying in Washington D.C. that: “If you are looking for a friend in Washington, find a dog.” Continue to Part IV to conclude this series on social evolution>>

Related stories:
PART I – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives
PART II – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives
PART IV – Social evolution and the role it plays in shaping our lives